


Ding Dong!

by TeamGwenee



Category: A Song of Ice and Fire & Related Fandoms, A Song of Ice and Fire - George R. R. Martin, Game of Thrones (TV)
Genre: Crack, F/M, Humour, Modern AU, Political AU
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-11-07
Updated: 2020-11-07
Packaged: 2021-03-09 04:46:27
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 942
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/27439048
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/TeamGwenee/pseuds/TeamGwenee
Summary: Soon to be former-President Cersei Lannister has a few words to say about losing the election.
Relationships: Jaime Lannister/Brienne of Tarth, Past Cersei Lannister/Jaime Lannister - Relationship
Comments: 21
Kudos: 108





	Ding Dong!

**Stormlands Win brings Daenerys Targaryen Presidency!**

_The Stormlands polls have pushed Minister Targaryen into a clear victory._

_It has been a close race, with the presidency hanging on a knife’s edge. Early polls suggested a second term for President Lannister, when she claimed victory in the Westerlands and took a shock lead in the North, the first Goldcloak majority in the North since President Baratheon’s presidency twelve years ago._

_Minister Targaryen’s chances of winning the presidency began to look up twelve hours into the election, when she claimed a shock victory in Dorne, followed by a less shocking but equally pivotal lead in the Reach._

_The victory in the Stormlands was the final death knell for President Lannister’s chances of a second term._

_The Stormlands Mayor, Brienne o’Tarth; President Lannister’s sister-in-law is expected to make a statement within the next hour._

_President Lannister has yet to make a formal address to the press, but has been tweeting throughout the election, including several comments concerning the Blackcloak lead in the Stormlands, many of which were swiftly taken down due to containing too much misleading information._

_Regarding the Stormlands’ mayor, President Lannister tweeted that the Blackcloak victory can only be explained as a fraud. Her team has yet to provide any evidence for these claims, but President Lannister put forward the theory that Tarth manipulated the count due to witchcraft or sorcery, as evidenced by what President Lannister asserts to be her brother’s; Jaime Lannister, ‘incomprehensible adoration and attraction for the ****-faced ****-sucking beast’._

_President Lannister’s team were quick to insist that ‘the president’s accusations of witchcraft towards the Stormlands mayor were made entirely in jest.’ A claim that was contradicted by the president a mere five minutes later. The tweet has since gone viral._

_Mayor Tarth has assured the nation that there is no evidence of fraud in the Stormland’s election results._

_She has yet to respond to the accusations of witchcraft._

_Sources report that the President herself has spent the last day and a half away from her team, sequestered with Vice-President Pycelle, and several boxes of wine._

  
  


_**#CarCrashCerse** Well, that’s where she spent most of her presidency. For once I’m grateful our president is getting drunk instead of causing shit. _

_**#CarCrashCersei** If she can drink herself unconscious, that would make for an easy transfer of power. They could just carry her out of the Red Keep. _

_**#CarCrashCerse** i FUCK NO! I want to see screaming!!! _

  
  


“How could this happen?” Cersei wailed into her wine glass. “The people of Westeros love me!”

Pycelle hovered anxiously at her shoulder. Before he entered politics, he had studied medicine. Many years it had been since he had practised, but he retained enough knowledge to know that such a large amount of alcohol was not advisable. Certainly not when the President still had access to her twitter account, and _certainly_ not when the President had so much glass to hand. There would be bloodshed before the evening was out.

“It is that troll from Tarth’s fault!” Cersei slurred, conveniently ignoring the more controversial moments of her presidency. The trade deals with the notoriously corrupt Mereen, the cuts to healthcare and social services, and the time she got drunk and accidentally directed several Wildfire Missiles at the Sept of Baelor.

(She had been trying to order a coffee and got her buttons mixed up.)

“First she poisoned my brother against me, then the Stormlands.” She hiccuped. “I would have won the presidency if I still had my brother with me. We could have brought Westeros into a Golden Age, begun the start of a Grand Lannister Dynasty.” She snatched her phone, typing away furiously.   
Pycelle peeked cautiously over her shoulder. For all the red squiggly lines, the content matter of the tweet was just about legible.

“Are you sure you want to send that, Madam President?” Pycelle asked, wringing his hands. “It may not be entirely wise.”  
Cersei had already hit send. 

  
  
  


_@CerseithePresident_

_Ere ou se my BELOvd twn Broter onse so betiful now a husk of his fmer selfe. We wer twins in evtyhng befor tht COW dug her clws nto himm. Nw she has stlen my presidency frm me and gav it tu tht HORE Daneris Tangerine!!!!. Frst she tk my lov no the strmlnds bt no ths he my be your husband but he lved me frst!!!!! I ws th one wh taught him hw to find the gspot. He ws the only man wh mde it feel good, specially when my DEER Rbert was in the next room, sleeping off the beer that fat DRUNK! She wn’t keep hm forever!!!!!_

_#BORNtogetherDIEtogether_

  
  
  


Brienne reached out and wrapped her arm around Jaime’s shoulder. 

“Well,” he said, smiling grimly up from his phone. “That’s one way for the news to get out.”

“Oh Jaime,” she said softly, “I am so sorry.”

Jaime shrugged. “Well, it was going to leak sooner or later. Although….” his smile grew as he strolled through the comments, his smile growing in size and mirth. “Maybe she did me a favour. Apparently, when you have been spending the last few days making accusations of fraud and witchcraft and sorcery, claims of incest with your twin brother; known to be in a loving and happy relationship, will be met with scepticism. 

The vice like hold on Brienne’s stomach loosened. Hopefully, the nation would chalk this latest tweet up as another one of Cersei Lannister’s….’eccentricities’.

Even so, Brienne could not help a twinge of despair in her stomach, as her eyes rolled down her sister-in-law’s timeline. “You have to wonder,” she mused in bewilderment, “How she even got elected in the first place?” 


End file.
